Wednesday, January 21, 2009

If I were GM...


This segment will ask one superfan to answer questions about their favorite team, to prove once and for all that fans are indeed smarter than the General Manager's of professional sports teams.


Today, BLT asks Vancouver Canucks superfan Bones about his team, here is what he would do if he were GM...

Well where do we begin?

How about, oh I don't know, WINLESS IN SEVEN AT HOME??
Great job guys...an all-time Canucks record for futility at home. And don't give me any of that "1 point for a shootout loss" nonsense. A loss is a loss and it's been SEVEN STRAIGHT at the friendly (?) confines of GM Place. I didn't know that GM Place would be in need of a government bailout too!
Okay what needs to be done?

Lets work from the goal out.
Goaltending - nothing. Leave Louie alone. But give the guy some dang support! LaBarbara was an upgrade on Sanford. Apparently he's excellent at riding the pine. And he has a cool mask with Metallica on it.

Defence - Oh. Ma. GAWD. What's going on here? Bieksa looks like he sliced his calf again. Edler is making 'Nuck fans want to bring back Robert Nordmark. Willie "Long Stick" Mitchell seems to have traded in his extra long shaft for a Cosom hockey stick (with the super curved blade that you get from standing on it and folding the stick over). It's a mess on the blueline.

Forwards - Sundin will be coming around (nice goal the other night), the Sedins had a fine game too. The 2 headed monster named Burrler or Kessows needs to continue to play in your face nasty hockey. And Taylor Pyatt still has beautiful eyes. Good lord he scored against the Blue Jackets too! Raymond was bumped upstairs for Wellwood (good move)and patience is wearing thin on this very talented kid who's signature move... "Raymond goes wide on the defenceman" has been used more times than the teenage "yawn-strectch-put your arm around your date" move. Time to learn how to cut into the middle of the ice Ray Ray.

Coaching/management - Coach V and Gillis are still the men. I'm not too concerned with them. It's on the players. And I don't see Gillis firing Coach V mid-season either. If anything happens, it will be the offseason.

Suggested move - Ideally, Mark Streit from the Isle. They're cutting costs (aren't they always?) and the Canucks depserately need a puck moving defenceman and PP QB. I bet Bieksa would fit in nicely there on the Island.
Alternatively, Mathieu Schnieder from the A-T-L (for a draft pick) or possibly Jay Bowmeester. JB would be an excellent aquisition actually (seeing JB is a FA this summer, FLA will move him by the deadline...so we'd have to submit a larger package...perhaps Bieksa and Raymond??) I'd also suggest Tomas Kaberle from the Laffs, but I don't know if I could handle another ex-Laff on the team.

If all that fails, we could ring up Paul Reinhart.

In the end, yes, the Nucks suck right now. But it's not the end...not by a long shot. With 33 games to go, the Canucks CAN pull themselves out of this funk.

1 comment:

  1. You know the Canucks are bad when they are retooling with the trash that the Leafs have no use for. Something in Vancouver never change. Who's next? Nik Antropov? The Canucks go as far as the goalie will take them. One groin away from last. Just need to look at Toronto to prove that theory. Vesa is leading us right to John Tavares. Good Job Vesa. Go Leafs Go.

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